One of the early symptoms of stage three breakdown is an inability to tolerate high levels of sensory stimulation. Previously enjoyable stimulation can become disagreeable and actually uncomfortable. Sexual stimulation, likewise, can become disagreeable.
In this stage of stress breakdown, men and women, particularly women, who previously enjoyed an active sex life, can be turned off sex for no reason apparent to either partner. The real reason is, of course, simply that the nervous system cannot tolerate high levels of stimulation. However, it is rare that couples have the insight to accept this as an explanation and leave it at that. If they did, there would be less unhappiness arising as a result of what these couples usually wrongly see as a failure of their sexual relationship.
Some women who are accustomed, at times, to having sexual intercourse with their husbands without orgasm, may be satisfied, when they are suffering from stress breakdown symptoms, with the warmth of close contact without orgasm. ‘I just don’t want to be bothered with feeling anything’, she says. Unfortunately, this turning off sex may be misinterpreted, usually by both of them.
There are always enough unresolved difficulties between husband and wife in any marriage which can be used to explain why one or both of them seem to have lost interest in each other sexually. Pressed for an explanation for the current lack of sexual interest, wife or husband might bring up one of their old, unresolved conflicts as a reason. The other partner might erroneously believe, then, that it is necessary to solve this particular problem in order to restore the former sexually-satisfying status quo. When this problem seems to be irresolvable, he or she may feel deceived or humiliated, hurt and rejected.
In our society, where it is culturally acceptable or normal for women to lose interest in sexual activity at times in their lives, a relatively young man who begins to lose interest in sexual relationships with his wife is usually suspected of having another woman, or of being mentally ill. It is often the wrong assumptions and misinterpretations in this situation which lead to trouble. Take, for example, the case where a couple was both experiencing stage three symptoms, behaving in unusual ways, responding strangely. He turns off sex, she thinks he has another woman (he hasn’t); she decides to behave in a way entirely inappropriate for her and goes out and picks up a casual lover. Such an out-of-character change in behaviour is not uncommon in third stage breakdown.
The marriage might then fail, not on the basis of the primary lack of sexual interest, but because of the unfortunate responses which might result.
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